By Dave Coen
We see couples fighting about money everywhere, on TV shows, in books, and on the news. You may even see it in your own home if you’re part of the one-third of married couples who fight about finances at least once a month. (1) It might be easy to accept the tension that finances cause in relationships because it seems like everyone struggles with it, but with disagreements about money being the second leading cause of divorce, just behind infidelity, (2) is it worth it?
Financial Pain Points In Relationships
One of the very important roles a Financial Advisor can play is to help couples communicate clearly and sufficiently about money. Money is one of the leading causes of stress, (3) and when you add emotions into the mix, it may seem like it’s impossible for love and money to peacefully coexist. Then there’s the fact that everyone has their own opinion on how to manage money, and most of us also have a unique financial personality. Some of us are savers, some are spenders. Some of us may be conservative, while others are free spirits. These differences can cause friction and discord, which then affects all other aspects of the relationship.
But no matter what the statistics tell us, money doesn’t have to be a stress point in a relationship. Here are a few simple strategies that may help couples avoid financial friction.
Be Candid
Unfortunately, financial honesty is no guarantee in a relationship, as 19% of adults in a live-in relationship admit to hiding a bank account from their partner. (4) It’s important for both partners to offer full disclosure of their finances and be open about expenses, regardless of whether you’re married or you live together, have joint accounts or separate bank accounts.
You and your partner should both have your eyes wide open about how you spend your money, especially when it comes to significant expenses, loans, or ongoing fees. By staying honest and open about your spending habits and upcoming bills, you may be able to keep financial arguments to a minimum.
Timing Is Everything
Intense, emotionally charged conversations don’t end well when one or both of the parties involved are tired, stressed from work, or about to run out the door. When you need to talk about your financial situation or make a financial decision, choose a time to talk when both of you are at your best. It’s also important to be preemptive, having discussions to set boundaries and expectations to avoid future problems. In other words, don’t wait until one of you splurges on a new TV or you go over budget on a vacation to set limits on spending.
Two Heads Are Better Than One
Most often, one spouse acts as the Chief Financial Officer of the household, managing all bills, budgets, savings, investments, and insurance policies. However, it can be helpful for both partners to understand their financial situation. If time allows, sit down together once a month for a financial check-in to review credit card statements, account transactions, and other bills and check for any possible errors. Ongoing input from both partners will strengthen your relationship and create a true partnership.
I Want To Feel Like I Am Being Heard
So often there is one party who is more dominant in working with the finances than the other. Sometimes one person is the breadwinner and brings home a paycheck, and their spouse handles the payment of bills or household expenses. Other times it is a joint effort with both parties having their own accounts. No matter how the roles are divided up, one of the best ways of avoiding conflict is when both parties feel like they are being heard – even if they don’t get their way every time. Let’s not dismiss our spouse’s feelings or needs, but make sure each person feels like they are being heard. Often people are amazed at the cooperation when this occurs.
Do What Works For You
You don’t have to go far to find financial advice, but not every system or philosophy will work for your relationship. Glean ideas from experts, family members, or friends, but be flexible, letting yourself experiment and find a financial framework that works for both of you. Don’t be afraid to try different methods of budgeting, saving, or debt payoff, and remember that as life changes, you may need to adapt your finances to your new circumstances.
Have Fun Every Once In A While
Set aside a portion of pocket money that you and your spouse can each spend every month on something you love, whether it’s a massage, a round of golf, or a steak dinner. Along with saving for long-term goals, set small objectives you can reasonably accomplish each month and celebrate your success.
Bring In A Third Party
Sometimes the best way to ease money tensions is to work with an objective third party, whether that’s a financial professional, a marriage counselor, or both. A financial professional can work with you and your spouse to review your financial landscape, identify any gaps in your insurance coverage, assist you in establishing short-term and long-term goals, help you stay on track, and provide professional and knowledgeable advice.
Although the topic of finance can occasionally cause tension, money doesn’t have to become a constant source of concern in a relationship. Invest the time to address spending habits and savings goals, uphold transparency regarding purchases, and communicate effectively.
A Strong Recommendation
This book has helped many of our clients find peace in financial discussions – I highly recommend it.
Love & Money (Designed to be Different, Fighting to Be the Same)
by Rodney Cox (Author), Don Blanton (Author)
Your Relationship Matters
At SageView Advisory, we care about your relationship and know how much your money affects both you and your partner. We want to help you by taking some of the financial burden off your back. If you know that your relationship and your finances would benefit from the objectivity and experience of a professional, we are here to help. Schedule an appointment by emailing me at dcoen@sageviewadvisory.com or calling 800-814-8742 and begin your journey to financial harmony.
About Dave
Dave Coen is a Financial Advisor with SageView Advisory and the CEO of College Planning America. Along with his retirement financial industry experience, he is a College Planning Specialist. He works closely with individuals and families to provide them comprehensive financial planning that addresses all elements of their financial picture. Learn more by connecting with Dave on LinkedIn.
1920 Main Street, Suite 800, Irvine, CA 92614 Tel: 800-814-8742
Registered Representative with Cetera Advisor Networks LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through SageView advisory group, LLC. Cetera is under separate ownership from any other named entity. CA insurance license #0G82578
This material is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information on the subjects covered. It is not however intended to provide specific legal, tax, or other professional advice. For specific personal assistance, the services of an appropriate professional should be sought.
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(2) https://www.daveramsey.com/pr/money-ruining-marriages-in-america
(3) https://news.northwesternmutual.com/planning-and-progress-2018
(4) https://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/financial-infidelity-cheating-poll.php
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