The Holidays could be a stressful time!
For those families who have worked with our Financial and College Planning services, you are aware that one of the ways that we save families money is to help students identify their strengths in order to make wise decisions on the college and career choices. In many cases, this could save an extra year or two at college, thus saving tens of thousands of dollars that could be used for retirement. We do the same for willing parents and this could create fun conversations around the dinner table. 
From time to time I hear a parent say, “Well my kid already knows what he wants to do because he is good at Math” (Insert your own “Good at” subject here)
For those who are daring enough to go through the relatively painless process of identifying their innate strengths, this knowledge could equip them for many life situations, not just college.
As parents, our roles change dramatically once our kids finish high school and move on to college and then marriage. Once they find a partner, it could be very complicated, both for our kids and us as parents. Thanksgiving and Christmas becomes a negotiation. We are not the only ones in their lives now. It’s not automatic that they “Come home” for Christmas or other holidays.
“Do we see you on Christmas eve, Christmas morning, Lunchtime, or do we have to arrange dinner on Christmas day just to see you?” It’s not only stressful for us as parents, but also for them. They have a partner now to consider as well as in-laws pulling them in another direction. Negotiation and compromise are vital. How we communicate could determine whether it is a good holiday or not.
Here is an example of a couple who know their strengths, but have to work out how to use them effectively.
Why was Nick dragging his feet about deciding where to spend Christmas? Kara wondered.
His family, her family – Kara did not mind how or with whom she and her new husband spent the holiday. She simply wanted to make a decision and enjoy the season. But Nick needed more time.
The situation could have created a rift between the young couple. Fortunately, Kara did not push her new husband to make a decision fast. Instead, she called upon his strengths and her strengths to relieve the stress.
Use your strengths to help relieve holiday stress.
It was Nick’s sensitivity that had first attracted Kara. He was careful to consider her feelings about her job, finances, what activities they did together – even comments others made to her. Kara knew that her husband’s deliberate, cautious nature was one of his strengths.
Which was exactly why Nick was struggling so much right now. He wanted to accommodate both of their families during the holidays and not hurt anyone’s feelings.
Meanwhile, one of Kara’s strengths was decisiveness. She made quick, informed decisions and did not look back afterwards.
Right now, Kara stood at a crossroads. She could press the issue about Christmas and push Nick to make a quick decision, adding to his stress and causing him to retreat … she could make a decision independently, thereby alienating her new husband … she could lose her temper and spark a fight …
Or she could use her strengths in another way. She could act quickly and decisively to provide information her husband needed so they could make a decision together.
Which is what she did. Kara asked family members about the plans they had made for the holidays. Then she went to Nick with that information.
Kara’s support allowed Nick to feel certain. Nick’s careful deliberation helped the couple maintain healthy relationships with both their families during their first Christmas together.
Whether with Finances or Holidays or in many other situations, identifying our strengths and using those to communicate effectively could be really helpful in so many situations in work or life. If you would like to find out more about your own strengths, or for your students, please do not hesitate to let us know and we would be most happy to help with this. In many cases it will not only save a lot of money, but also provide a more peaceful life.
These things are why we do what we do at College Planning America.
Contact us at davec@collegeplanningamerica.com or 714-813-1703
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